29th May 1995
Column 1
Hello, my name is Dean, I am sitting here in my cell on Death Row in San Quentin
Prison. I do not intend to discuss my case because that is not why I have agreed to do this page. I would
not feel comfortable using this forum to try and focus attention on myself, I am not
the issue here. What I do feel is important is I give you a perspective of the Death Penalty, the justice (or "just-us",
as a wise man once said) system, life in prison and hopefully I can
give you a reasonably coherent account of what it is like from where I
sit. You have all heard what the media, politicians, and others who
have their own agenda, have to say about crime and the Death Penalty,
so maybe I can provide some balance to that.
Although I said that I do not intend to discuss my case, I want to
say that I vehemently deny committing the crimes that I am sitting here
on Death Row for. The reason that I mention this is because I feel it
is important for you to know this since it is why I have the attitudes
and opinions that I will be talking about.
After Ed and I discussed doing this page, I hung up the telephone
and it started to sink in and I wondered what I had gotten myself into.
Trying to explain what life on Death Row is like, fighting for your
life in the court system, and trying to keep a grip on your sanity in
the process. One of the difficult things, is to keep your perspective
and not let yourself become overwhelmed by the incredible pressure and
stress that you have to deal with. Not just in dealing with the system,
but also in just trying to stay alive and survive from day to day in
here.
There are people in here that give up and commit suicide, others
slowly lose their mind and end up being medicated. The prison is
concerned to the point that anyone here is able to function from day to
day until they are to be executed and psyche drugs help towards that
goal.
After talking with Ed, I didn't have a clue where I should start,
what to say and how to say it. There are so many different dynamics
involved that I seriously doubt if it is possible to adequately explain
what it's like. It would be like somebody from another country asking
you to explain what America is like. You can talk in generalities, but
when it gets down to the nuances that really get to the heart of it,
you just cannot put it into words that will do it justice. The best I
can do is talk about some of my experiences and observations and let
you draw your own conclusions based on that.
I am not a spokesman for anyone else on Death Row, or in prison, or
the county jails, nor is it my intent to be one. Every person going
through the system has their own thoughts and opinions about this
insane environment that we try to survive in and I wouldn't presume to
speak for them. But, you are stuck with me and, even though I will try
to be objective about it, I can't help but be subjective in many of the
things I will say. You can take what I say with a grain of salt, you
might think that I am full of shit, or you might agree with what I say,
all I want is for you to keep from making a judgment until you hear
what I say. The news media says that more than 80% of you support the
Death Penalty and since we all seem to dance to whatever tune the news
media plays, I will assume that most of you are not sympathetic towards
me, or the others sitting on Death Row. All I ask is that you keep an
open mind.
There is the sense that people on Death Row are slobbering animals
that should be kept in a cage and executed as soon as can be arranged.
I have even heard on talk shows where people have advocated an electric
chair right in the courtroom, and as soon as the verdict is rendered,
strap the person in and cook them. Never mind that the system makes
mistakes, what are a few innocent people being killed, as long as you
can get rid of the others in the process. But most of the people on
Death Row are fairly normal. Sure, there are the ones here that I would
never turn my back on. There are some people here that would make
Hannibal Lechter seems like a nice guy. But as I said, most guys here
are not slobbering lunatics or cold blooded killers - but there are
some here that could be put in that category.
If anyone is interested in asking me any questions, I will do my
best to answer them. You can send them into the e-mail address on this
page. It takes about 3-4 weeks, after the mail arrives at the prison,
before I will get it, so be patient, and I will do my best to get back
to you. I will not talk about my case, my personal life, or anything
else that could be interpreted as self-serving. I will be glad to talk
about the issues, life in here, or other related topics if you want to
ask about them. Just don't be discouraged if it takes a little while.
Also, if I get too many questions, I will not be able to get to all of
them. A bit presumptuous of me, but I was just trying to cover all the
possibilities.
One last thing before I go. I am not being paranoid when I say that
I will do this page for as long as I can, but I have no doubts
what-so-ever that the prison will harass me for doing this. And they do
some really dirty things to people that they have a grudge with. They
hate for anyone to talk about what it is really like in here, or what
the system is like, so they could come down on me or set me up in some
way so that they can cut me off. If this happens, Ed will be able to
inform you. It isn't that I intend to try and portray anyone or
anything in a false manner. . . it isn't necessary because the truth is
enough. I will write for as long as I can and I look forward to being
able to "talk" to all of you.
Peace,
Dean